Mistakes
by mereditholiver
Summary: My day has been one mistake after another. What happens when the day is done?


DISCLAIMER: I own nothing related to Law and Order:UK. I'm just a fan having a bit of fun. Enjoy! :-)

I am going to pretend. I am going to pretend I'm not in love with him. I'm going to pretend that everything he did didn't drive me crazy. I am going to pretend that everything is right with the world. I'm going to smile and pretend everything is wonderful, even when my heart is breaking. When that happens, I'll pretend everything is perfectly normal. Because that's what I have to do. I have to pretend everything is fine and not allow my heart to betray what I am feeling.

I didn't know that all those well-laid plans and all the hope I had, would be thrown out the window with one comment. ONE! That's all it took to destroy my resolve to stay strong and pretend life was normal.

I made my way into the CPS offices on what I thought was a typical Tuesday. This was a day that was busy with preparing for hearings from cases that we had received over the weekend and spent Monday attending hearings. I was looking forward to the calmness that Tuesday usually offered.

I parked myself at my desk and took a sip of my tea. I know it's a cliché; a Brit enjoying tea. I needed something to keep my calm this morning and the caffeine from coffee would have made my mood worse.

My newest partner came into the office, a smile on his face.

He glanced at me and asked, "What's wrong with you."

I seriously did not want to have a conversation with him involving why I wasn't smiling, so I just shrugged my shoulders and said, "I think I'm getting a cold. I woke up with a headache."

I'm not sure if he believed me, but he simply smiled and headed to his desk. When my phone rang, I answered it with a half-hearted greeting.

"Alesha, luv. We've got some evidence and we want to talk with you about it. Are you free," asked DS Ronnie Brooks.

"I'll be here, Ronnie. Just bring me a coffee or something, I think I'm catching a cold," I said.

Ronnie laughed and promised to bring the aforementioned hot drink.

I continued to rearrange the papers on my desk, not exactly sure how I was going to handle seeing him so soon after my declaration to myself.

I was so not prepared to see DS Matt Devlin this afternoon. Actually I was never really prepared to see him at all, but after Saturday's debacle, it was going to be increasingly difficult to act normal. To pretend that I was fine and hadn't witnessed the scene that threatened to break my heart.

Ronnie had mentioned that he and Matt were getting together at the local pub for a drink and asked if I would come along. He mentioned it would be mostly officers there, but I was always welcomed whenever they went out. I was part of their team.

Team. That's a nice way of including little lonely Alesha Philips into the group.

I met Ronnie outside the pub. I entered the establishment in front of him. We were greeted warmly and someone brought an orange juice for Ronnie and a pint for me. We took a seat with Angie and Natalie and chatted about the last week.

Ronnie asked the question I was dying to, but was too embarrassed. "Where's Mattie-boy."

"He got waylaid by some birds on his way to the bar. He's got a way about 'im, that one," Natalie said.

I nodded my head in agreement. I looked toward the bar, just in time to catch Matt smile at some blonde before he's kissing her. Trying to hide my shock, I returned to the conversation at the table. When Matt approached the table, I pulled my phone out of my pocket, "Duty calls. Gotta run. See you all Monday," I said, rushing out while Natalie, Ange, Ronnie and Matt were calling after me.

I hailed the first taxi I saw and headed for my apartment. I didn't even know Matt had come charging out of the pub and saw me take off in the car.

I have no idea what happened after I left and, despite several attempts at Natalie, Ronnie and, surprisingly, Matt to get me on my mobile, I ignored everyone and sent a short text that said I was fine and sorry for bailing. I seriously doubt they believed me, but what could I do. I'd been dancing around this whole thing with Matt Devlin for months now and when I finally admit I might be ready to ask HIM out or something like that, I see what I saw at the pub.

'God, you are pathetic, Alesha,' I thought to myself.

Ronnie entered the office first. I gave him a forced smile that I hoped looked genuine.

"Alesha, I met with Jacob in the hall and we're going into the conference room to talk about this. No sense in worrying yourself with it since you're not feeling well. Matt should be along in a minute and he's got that tea for you," Ronnie said before waving and heading into the conference room to meet Jacob.

'Figures,' I thought to myself. It was becoming increasingly obvious to me that Ronnie was trying to get myself and his young partner to talk. Ronnie probably knew why I left the pub, but Matt, bless his heart was a bit daft in those matters.

I continued entering information into my computer, knowing I didn't have to finish it until later, but my brain was craving for something to do.

I sensed Matt enter the office. I can't explain it. I had my back to the door getting a file and I was suddenly aware of his presence. Too aware. My heart started it's quick staccato beat and I had to remind myself to breathe normally.

"Lesh, Ronnie said you weren't feeling well, so I brought you something," Matt said. I turned in my chair to face him. He had set a cup of tea and a bowl of Indian curry, my personal favorite, on my desk. He was smiling when I looked up at him.

That was my first mistake.

"Thanks, Matt. I'm not feeling the greatest today. Hopefully it will go away soon," I said.

"You left Saturday night so quickly I didn't get to spend any time with you," he said. I opened the lid of the tea and took a sip. It was my favorite. Darjeeling. I closed my eyes and enjoyed the smell of the tea and the curry.

"Yeah, I had something come up. I told you that," I said.

I took the curry and sampled a small bite. It was heavenly. Just what I needed. I was so engrossed in the food that I didn't notice Matt had placed a chair right next to me on my side of the desk.

Not paying attention, that was mistake number two.

I suddenly found it hard to breathe with Matt in such close proximity to me. "You saw Megan kiss me, didn't you," he said.

The shock of the statement caused me to choke on the sip of tea I had just had.

"What," I said, when I regained my composure.

"Megan is a just someone who's been trying to get her mitts into me for a while. I wouldn't normally get caught, but I had me hands full getting drinks for Nat, Ange and myself. I was caught unawares. I nearly spilled the beer on her I was carrying. I told her I wasn't interested and was coming to talk to you, but you ran out," he said.

I nodded my head. It did make sense that Megan would do what she did, she always talked about wanting to be alone with a certain DS. She was also very colorful in her description of what they would do.

"It wasn't that at all, Matt. I did have an emergency but I'm glad to know that you wouldn't want to be with Megan. You're too good for her," I said, hoping my lie would go undetected.

That was mistake number three.

"Lesh, you're lying. Can't we just admit it to each other," he said."Admit what," I said, daring to not look in his eyes.

"Lesh, I'm in love with you," he said.

The shock of the statement caused me to drop my tea onto the floor, causing us both to jump up from the unexpected sloppiness on my part.

That, yep, mistake four.

In that instant of leaping out of my chair, I was immediately next to Matt and his arms went right around my waist. Wanting to apologize for my clumsiness, I looked up into his eyes, again, and started to say I was sorry, but his finger found it's way in front of my lips.

At the contact, I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. When I opened them, the blue eyes of Matt Devlin were gazing into mine and were close enough I could count his eyelashes. My eyes flicked down to his lips.

Number five.

In the next instant he was kissing me. It was like my eyes had pulled his lips toward mine.

So here I am, covered in Darjeeling tea and kissing the most gorgeous man I have ever seen.

When the need to breathe and the fact that we were in my office dawned us, we pulled apart. My eyes remained closed for half a second, fearing that if I opened them, I'd find myself passed out on my sofa, this all a dream.

"Lesh, I'm still here," he whispered, causing my eyes to shoot open at his voice. It wasn't a dream. He was standing here as proof. That and the fact that I had a nice tea stain on the front on my sweater.

"I must say, I'll never be able to forget this moment," he said, smiling that cheeky smile that made me melt.

'What happened to the pretending, Alesha,' I said to myself.

"You really caught me off guard, Matt," I said.

"Not as much as I caught myself. I wasn't going to say that, at least not here in your office," he said.

"Are you regretting it," I asked, shocked at how my voice sounded.

"Of course not. I just thought it would be more romantic to say it somewhere that wasn't work," he said.

"Well, since we're both confessing, I love you, too. And that kiss with Megan did throw me into a tailspin. I spent the entire weekend hating it and then yesterday avoiding you," I said.

Suddenly, a clearing of the throat made both of us realize we were still embracing. We quickly took a step back from each other and turned to face Ronnie and Jacob.

"Looks like you've had a bit of an accident, Alesha. Why don't you go home and change? I can handle this stuff with Ronnie. We'll go out and grab a bite and talk about it," my new boss told me."Yeah, Mattie, I can handle this with Jacob. It looks like it might rain so why don't you take Alesha home so she doesn't catch a cold. I'll see you in the morning," Ronnie said.

Jacob grabbed his jacket and he and Ronnie headed out the door, presumably to go to the pub around the corner to discuss the case.

"Would you let me take you home? I'll get some take away while you're changing, if that will make you feel better," he said.

"OK," I said.

He followed me out of the office with a gentle hand on my lower back, steering me toward the exit and the car.

We rode in a companionable silence to my flat. He knew the way, so he didn't need any guidance.

Surprisingly he found a space to park right in front of the building.

He helped me out of the car and I punched in the code to go inside.

"I'll go grab some food. I'll buzz when I come back," he said.

"Well, if you promise not to tell anyone, I'll give you the code. It's 634972. We change it once a month," I told him.

He nodded and headed off to grab some food.

I walked up to my flat and rushed toward the shower. I was starting to feel like a sticky mess and was wondering what, exactly, Matt saw in me at that moment.

I showered and was changing into a pair of yoga pants and long-sleeved Arsenal shirt when I heard Matt knock on the door.

I went into the living room and opened the front door. He stepped inside and headed for the kitchen. I followed behind him.

I helped him take the food out of the sacks and got glasses out for us. Knowing he would prefer beer, I got him one and I settled in at the table with a glass of wine.

We talked about work and life while we ate.

Neither of us brought up what had happened in my office and I was beginning to believe I had imagined it.

When I put the dishes in the sink, Matt came up from behind and wrapped his arms around me.

"I meant it. I love you," he said. I turned to face him, amazed at how he could read my thoughts.

"How did you know what I was thinking," I asked him.

"Because, you always furrow your brow when you're trying to figure something out and I figured you were trying to decide if it was real or imagined. I assure you, it wasn't. I love you,"

"I love you, too," I said.

"Good. Now that we are in a much more private place, I would like to continue what we were doing before we were interrupted," he said, his blue eyes twinkling mischievously.

I smiled at him. "Let's," I said.

We moved to the living room and, after turning on the telly and trying to not make out like hormonal teenagers, we realized it was impossible.

That's how I arrived here. I started the day out swearing I was going to pretend I didn't love him; didn't care. Looking back, THAT was my first mistake. Everything else happened that way it was supposed to.

"What are you smiling about," Matt said as he crawled into the bed.

"Just how my day started out so differently than the way it's ended," I said.

"Anything's better than you ending up with tea all over your shirt," he said smiling.

I smiled back. He pulled me closer for a kiss.

Yep, this day has definitely ended better than it started.

***Hope you like. This wouldn't leave my head and I had to get it down. Love those two together. Hope I see some Matt/Alesha action before he leaves the show. ;-)*** -mereditholiver


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